I recent got back from a night of mediumship where the medium was absolutely dire. The medium was me! That night I could get no flow whatsoever. Messages were bitty, inaccurate and well off. “Where are you Spirit, when I need you”, was the thought constantly going through my mind.
I remember both Eileen Davis and Mark Stone telling me that there are times when there is no energy and there is nothing you can do about it. So don’t try, just explain to your audience and call it a day. That is what I did that night. I couldn’t work for whatever reason and pulled out of my ‘demonstration’.
What I could do is blame the people and how northern crowds are hard work. I could blame the environment, I could blame the atmosphere, or the temperature, or the loud ambient noise. I could blame everything but I won’t. It wasn’t the fault of Spirit, nor was it my fault. In fact it was nobody’s fault. It was what it was and that’s all there is to it.
But I can’t help feeling sorry for the audience who paid money to see a medium. That said, that night I had a great back up medium on hand to take over and save the occasion.
What about my ego? Well that was of course seriously bruised on the night. I didn’t feel good about it and to be honest felt completely embarrassed. But I’m big enough to understand that ego is not important. Time all too quickly heals it.
The point is that I’m a human being first and a medium second. I don’t have some super paranormal power that I can switch on and off and rely on every time. The link to the spirit world is fragile, it is extremely sensitive and it is inconsistent.
This is a quote from the back up medium who who bailed me out. It was posted on social media later that evening:
“As a medium, the hardest thing to overcome, is standing up in front of people and get things wrong. People give mediums such a hard time over it and they shouldn’t. Comedians go on stage and get it wrong. Actors go on stage and mess up their lines. Singers choose to lip-sync when they aren’t confident enough to sing live.
The difference that mediums have from all of them is theirs is not scripted. When a medium stand up on a stage in front of how many people and says what they need to say, they don’t have a script to go off, they don’t have lines to look at and fall back on.
Its you the medium, spirit and your audience and it’s f*~#ing scary. And each time you do it, you learn, each time you connect you learn, each time you get it right or wrong, you learn.
I’m very thankful for spirit and I’m extremely thankful for the people they have brought into my life. Mediums are not always right, nor are spirit always right. What is right is the way the medium doesn’t give up trying and learning. It takes guts, courage and yes I’m going to use the word ‘ego’. So why should anyone knock that down?
Stand up and be proud that your able to say here I am, this is me, this is spirit and let’s go.”
So if you want to be a medium – great choice. Do it. Learn the abilities and practice. But crucially – be prepared to fail occasionally. It happens to us all. Have I got over it? To be honest, not yet, and this is some weeks later. I have let a lot of self doubts come back into my thinking. My confidence has taken a big knock. I find public performances hard and that night was one of the main reasons.
So what’s the answer? Well there are a couple. One is to simply give up. I could easily live without doing mediumship. I could just continue to study and enjoy the subject. I could carry on writing about it and perhaps even teach about it.
Another answer is to get over it! To carry on doing what I’ve studied and trained to do for nearly two decades. To just accept that one bad night shouldn’t be the focus. To be strong, be brave and to keep on keeping on. It’s a gift that Spirit has allowed me to access. Many people have received incredible messages from their loved ones in the spirit world through me in the past. So I know it can be done.
Next week’s post is a true story of another similar evening earlier this year where something didn’t go right on the night. I recommend reading that, especially if you’re not actually a medium. It will be available also as a narrated podcast. ♥