I was on holiday in Lanzarote yet right at that moment I was angry and annoyed. In fact, I was fuming and was unable to sleep that evening. Why? Earlier I had agreed to do a sort of a reading for one of the members of the hotel staff. By sort of, I mean that they had given me one of their personal possessions earlier that day for me to sit in meditation with. During the afternoon I had indeed meditated on it and written notes and messages from the spirit world , or at least that’s what I thought!
I have done many ‘distant’ readings in the past and although it is not my favourite way of working, under these circumstances it was the best option available to me on this day. Anyway, late that evening when the recipient was free from work at 1:00am, I sat with him to do the reading. I had a list of facts and information that I was confident was from Spirit and would be relevant. However that proved not to be the case.
Over the following hour one by one I went through the information with the recipient and clarified what it was I thought I had received. He was a polite and friendly man and his belief in me never faltered during the reading. However, sadly, every piece of information meant nothing to him. Names, dates, places, incidents, memories and much more. He could not take any of it.
So my reading that took over an hour had catastrophically failed. We parted as good friends as we were and he accepted my sincere apologies. I kept face and retired to the room. The reading was the last straw and over the coming days I felt low, disappointed and utterly fed up. My meditations at the resort had been sub-standard compared with previous visits to this hotel retreat. This time, during all of my daily and often twice daily meditations I had felt nothing and was actually finding it difficult to sit for more than 20 minutes at a time. There was no evidence of spirit as there had been before and this had been confounded with other recent poor mediumship that I’d experienced over the previous months.
A few days after the reading at the hotel I decided I had just about had enough. So I decided to sit in meditation and talk to the spirit team. The following is loosely what I said to them in my mind, loud and clear and after an opening prayer to God:
Divine spirit, spirit team and those apparently working with me in the spirit world. I sit here today disappointed and depressed. Why? Because I am sick and tired of your lack of effort in working with me. I have devoted the last two decades in learning, understanding and practising communications with you all in the spirit world. Together, we have achieved much and when I look back at some of the messages you have passed through me, that have been staggeringly accurate and without doubt, I have grown confident enough to finally declare that I am indeed a medium. I have reached that point thanks to your connections with me and the work we have done together in the past.
However, Spirit team, for the past six months or so, I have struggled to even feel a Spirit connection, let alone receive any information of any value. I have stood in public performances and have frankly struggled. On my last public appearance I actually had to declare I was unable to connect and was forced to sit down embarrassed and personally feeling humiliated in front of that tough Northern crowd. Since that ‘performance’ I’ve shied away from any readings , public or private. I have lost my confidence and belief in myself.
Why? Well Spirit team – I blame you. Where are you? What have you been doing to connect with me? I’ve not felt anything. You’ve appeared to have deserted me. I’m not blaming you for the sake of it, I’m blaming you because I believe it is your fault and I am sick and tired of it.
I’ve dedicated much time into this mediumship. I’ve learnt so much and I’ve had to accept that the communications you have always had with me have been, at the best, very subtle and very much up to me to interpret them, hopefully correctly, which has been the case most of the time. But I’m pouring my heart out to you here and now in this meditation – I’m fed up and quite prepared to call it a day.
Spirit team, you have been in your world a lot longer than I’ve been in this one. Your knowledge and ability to communicate with us in this world must surely be more advanced than you are showing me. Surely you can do better than you’ve been doing recently. Listen guys, I’ve been a decent ambassador and student to you, the spirit world. I deserve better than you are giving me. Do you not understand that putting me in a position of uniting the two worlds and then you not being there is just not acceptable?
So here’s where I’m at – hear me loud and clear. You know that I am of my word and what I say, I stand by. I have always tried to do that in my life. So here’s my message to you all. Communicating with your world involves more than just my effort. It involves effort from you too. This is a team relationship. If you’re not going to be there for me then either you walk away, or I will – and I truly mean that.
I’ve spent twenty years learning to communicate with you and right now, that progress is hard to see. I probably have only twenty more years to live this side and I do not want to spend them, struggling to connect. So either you pull your finger out, or you get some spirit people that want to work with me. Either do that, or I walk away. In fact, once this conversation is over, the ball is in your court. I will be doing nothing more.
Ninety nine percent of the people living on this world have doubts or disbelief of there being a spirit world. I am moving into that group quite rapidly at the moment because I am finding it hard to represent nothing, which is what I have been getting from you.
So Spirit team, I’ve said my peace. You will hear nothing more from me from now on. It is down to you. Draw closer, work with me better, make yourself known or you have lost me. I’m not begging you, I don’t care any more. I’m happy to live the remaining years of my life without any need to communicate with you. Life is too short to waste it ‘trying’ to communicate. I’m getting on and living mine now. If you want to work with me – it’s down to you now to make the effort.
Now I am fully aware that there will be many mediums reading this thinking my ‘demands’ are too much. They will be thinking that this is not the way to work with the spirit world. They might even be correct, I don’t care. What I care about is that if I am to be a medium that connects the two worlds through evidence and communications, then I will only do so in truth and not by guessing, cold reading, probing, questioning, or in any other dubious manner in the guise of being a medium.
I strongly believe that the Spirit team have to make effort to communicate with us, as we have to with them. But in my case I feel their effort is poor and I am not prepared to put up with it.
So what am I going to do? Nothing! I am not attending opens, churches or any other related events at this time. Spirit know what I want from them. If they work harder with me, we can have a wonderful relationship and achieve some fine communications as we have done in the past. Until I hear from them LOUD AND CLEAR I will be standing down – end of.
Will I continue writing? Probably, though of course, not so much about mediumship. Instead, other aspects of Spiritualism and philosophy. I will keep you posted here. In the meantime – as I feel I’m more in an admin role at the moment, next week’s post will be a repeat of my favourite philosophical story – The Fisherman’s Club, of which I feel I am now rapidly becoming a member!!! ♥